Expectant

“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!” Ephesians‬ ‭3:20-21‬ ‭MSG‬‬

Another year come and gone. I truly can’t believe it. It seems like yesterday that we were saying goodbye to 2017 at Shaver Lake with some of our favorite friends while our kids created chaos and the guys tirelessly tried to start a friction fire.

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I have been trying something new each New Year where I choose a word that I will focus on for the year and Jon and I sit together and pray about what we want to see in the New Year. It’s a lot more intentional than picking a resolution and I have never been known to follow through with one anyway. A few weeks ago I read something that I’ve already forgotten about, but the word that stood out to me was “expectant”. I felt like God was telling me that was my 2019.

2018 was full of the UNEXPECTED. We started the year in Orange County and I was really struggling with loneliness. Not long after I got pregnant and miscarried. I turned 30 and shortly after that got pregnant again and began to deal with some minor prenatal depression. 2018 was truly a year of growth and us learning to trust God in all circumstances. I got word that I’d be loosing a contract with a client (not good news for a freelance writer) and with that more panic set in. The desire began to stir in our hearts to move back to San Diego as we anticipated welcoming another baby into the family, but Jon felt like his job in OC was where God wanted him. So we wouldn’t move without a clear door opening and another one closing. In the blink of an eye a door opened that was more perfect that we could’ve imagined. I mean seriously, we’d love to tell you about it sometime (it’s another blog for another day).

So here we are, back in San Diego and getting ready to become a family of four. I am quite literally, expectant.

I am an enneagram 6 and while I could talk about enneagram types forever, I will try to suppress the nerd and simply say that a “glass half full” mentality is not my natural inclination. Sixes are cautious, anxious, indecisive and suspicious. We are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Basically, when it comes to being expectant, I usually expect the worst. I am looking ahead all all the possible worst case scenarios so I can try to prepare myself for them. This year, I want to change that. This year, I want to be expectant of God’s abundance and grace. He has never failed us. Never let us down. What if this year I expected him to show up because he always does?

So 2019 will begin with great expectance of another family member. And then I will be expectant for the day I will sleep again. But this year I am making it my goal to remember Ephesians 3 and the fact that God wants to do more than we can ask or imagine as his Spirit works deeply and gently within me.

So what about you? What are you hoping for this year? I hope this year you will find yourself drawing closer to God and growing in new ways. It seems that at the end of every year, people are saying “good riddance” and it seems so ridiculous to me because at the end of every year we have the choice to look back and say “that was the worst” or “there were good days too”. The 6 in me will tell you that this year will probably have trouble too. Let’s just be honest, that’s life. But I also want to say that you can cling to what is good and true this year despite the trouble. Let’s be people who don’t let others determine what kind of year we have. It doesn’t matter who is president, what laws are passed, who is the Queen, what shows are getting cancelled or who wins an Oscar. None of that can determine who WE are and the decisions WE make to be better people and create a better world around us. Let’s expect God to show up this year and ask him to let us be a part of the work he’s doing.