Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is probably one of my favorite shows. I don't know what it is about the ridiculous humor, but I can't get enough of it.
In one of the episodes, Kimmy is trying to encourage the woman she nannies for and says "You can do anything for 10 seconds." (Then flashback to Kimmy being held captive in a bunker, spinning a wheel for no reason and repeatedly counting to 10.)
Currently, my life revolves around 3 hour segments. So I find myself jokingly wondering what I can do for just 3 hours. "Ok, Brighton just fed, so I have about 3 hours to do something fun until she feeds again." It's pretty insane how quickly the days fly by and how I find myself already half way through maternity leave and shedding tears at the thought of it.
Motherhood is crazy. Straight up crazy town. We got blessed with an incredible baby. She sleeps. She's not fussy unless she's gassy or hungry (I mean, who isn't). She smiles at us. 99% of the time it's heaven. Of course there is the 1%. Where she keeps throwing up on me and keeps soiling burp rag after burp rag and outfit after outfit. Or blows out of her diaper. All of this when we don't have laundry in our 1-bedroom apartment. I know we should always be grateful, because it could always be worse. But I know if we are all honest with each other, it's very easy to get discouraged when things aren't going as planned. When you can't get that extra bedroom just yet. Or you have to bring your laundry to a laundromat. Or maybe our careers aren't where we thought they would be. Or our relationships.
At 28-years-old I know I don't have anything figured out, the least of these being motherhood. But I feel like among the many lessons parenthood will teach you, it's about being present and grateful. Because I really can't operate outside of 3 hours at a time. So, like Kimmy Schmidt, I find myself saying, "You can do anything for 3 hours".
When working through my anxiety, my counselor once told me to ask myself, "what do I know right now?" Instead of allowing myself to think too far ahead, or to create all these improbable scenarios and outcomes in my head, I have to stop and ask myself, "what do I know right now?" I know that today, everything is fine. In this moment, my baby is calm. In this moment, she is healthy. In this moment [insert truth here]. I have a tendency to think so far ahead into the unknown future that when I can't see how all our dreams and plans will come true, I just end up discouraged and angry and without hope. Recently, I was reading through this She Reads Truth devo and found hope to counteract my bad attitude that day.
The writer said,
"Here’s the difference between Paul and me (as if there’s only one): I believe God has good plans for me, but I assume His plans fall within the boundary lines of my own. In other words, God’s good plans for me are His expert version of my first draft. Paul knew better.....Paul knew this, too. He knew Scripture is true—not in part, but in whole. He knew the gospel of Jesus is true—not in part, but in whole. Paul knew God is sovereign and good—not sometimes, but all the time. Not within the boundaries we give Him, but through all of history and time and space. Our hope does not die when our hands are chained or when life seems at a standstill. Our God is sure and faithful."
Even when life seems at a standstill, I can trust that God has plans for me beyond my wildest dreams. I can remind myself to take life moment my moment, or just 3 hours at a time, to soak in the blessings that exist today.